I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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