I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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