my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
