I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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