How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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