God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i've created a new STD.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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