you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
