I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
