My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How does one acquire holy water?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
