he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
