I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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