She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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