I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
