You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
