Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
