Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
