im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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