while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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