Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
