she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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