My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
