wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
