oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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