someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
