You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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