i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
