If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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