I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
