Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
