Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
