i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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