And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
