just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I love you. Go after that dick
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
