you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
