Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
