My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
