I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
