dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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