We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
