Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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