I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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