I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
