why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
