I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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