the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
