I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
