This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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