dude i'm inner monologue high
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
