You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
