I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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