I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
