you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
