Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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