I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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