I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
